Strange Bedfellows
One of the most interesting things I've had to learn in the first few weeks of marriage is how to share the bed with another person. I've only once slept in the same bed with anyone prior to getting married, when I was a kid I shared a bed with my younger brother.
Let's just say he thrashed A LOT (it was like sleeping with a tornado) and he DID NOT like to trim his nails.
I've moved on since those days, but it seems Love and I have had our fair share of interesting experiences that we've worked out. To name a few:
Darth Vader Breath:
Sometimes I like to sleep on my stomach. Sleeping on your stomach, although comfortable and addicting, is bad for your back, and puts abnormal pressure on your internal organs. Still yet, on occasion I have been known to indulge myself in this curious but pleasing practice. This inevitably causes an uncomfortably warm temperature increase on the shoulder of the person sleeping next to you, mild asphyxiation, and with deeper breathing patterns induced by sleep, produces the familiar sound of labored mechanical breathing of a walking iron lung so characterized by our friend from the Dark Side of the Force.
Weird beeping noises at night:
I am not talking about the normal ones (I don't mean the ones like the refrigerator, or dishwasher) in our first month of marriage there have been a lot of odd beeping noises that went off in the middle of the night, to list a few:
1. The smoke detector beeped, just twice, and then abruptly stopped in the absence of fire. We woke up startled, checked for a fire, all at approximately 2:30 am.
2. When Verizon came to set up the phone and Internet, or Maintenance, I'm not sure, they knocked out the power cord for some Verizon box in the closet and caused the thing to run off what ever battery power it had stored, and beeped until it was plugged back in. I was right on the verge of falling asleep, when we both sprang out of bed, thinking it was the intrusion alarm. I grabbed my mighty (of all things) cell phone and wielded it menacingly as I searched the apartment for intruders in an incoherent state. I guess I hoped to surprise the intruder in the dark and blind 'em with the bright light shining it his eyes? I used the lighted screen to patrol the apartment to no avail. Love thought it was her electric toothbrush. We discovered the source of the beeping several minutes later.
Flashing Lights:
When I grew up, my room was in the basement. Naturally, it was pitch dark when I slept, and I mean PITCH dark. I still retain that intolerance for any light when I sleep. We have thus had to take the following actions so I sleep more soundly:
1. Cover the bedroom window with a thick fleece blanket that now serves as a "Roll-up curtain". 2. Stash the wireless router and all it's little blinking LED lights under the bed. 3. Cover Love's digital alarm clock at night (she's so good to me!) 4. Shut the closet door completely to block out the lights from the beeping Verizon box mentioned above.
Besides all the above, we have had to deal with the traditional stealing the covers (someone is always too hot (Me) and the other too cold (Love), stealing pillows on the bed, the discomfort of someone constantly turning over (Me), someone sniffles too much (Love), getting elbowed in the middle of the night and accusations of snoring (Me), getting diagonally situated so as to take up all the room on the bed (Love) and making a sharp, short, and loud noise with a large clap and then quickly pretending to be asleep as they wake and jump up (Love). Let's not forget the third bed partner...
quite the Strange Bedfellow himself indeed, the Beanie.
Beanie:[bean·ie]- noun : an old, over sized extra large cotton Men's tube sock filled with scorched rice that my wife insists on sleeping with after warming in the microwave for several minutes as a form of hot pad.Learning to share the bed with Love has been pretty fun, and we've had a good share of laughs, but we've ironed out the wrinkles and pretty soon we won't be able to sleep alone!
posted by Austin @ 12:40 PM
6 Comments:
I DO NOT clap my hands and then pretend to be asleep!!! You silly goose... :D
J/K!
FYI- studies show that 1 in 4 couples sleep alone...
http://www.today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38410209/ns/today-the_new_york_times?GT1=43001
Hi! I read these last week and I laughed my head off....then I made a comment.... but apparently it did not show up!! I added your blog to my favorites, so now I will check on it more often. :) You are so FUNNY!
And again?
http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=11769390&hl=18
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100261791>1=31036
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