The Curious Case of the Doner Kebab
Real conversation surrounding the Donner Kebab, held in somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea near Corsica, Fall 2005.
Me: "These are so good!"
Elder 1 :" Behold, Elder, the magic of the Kebab."
Me: "These are so gross!"
Elder 1: " Behold, Elder, the magic of the Kebab."
Elder 2: " Do you think they have Kebab's in the US, I've never seen them there before."
Elder 1: "No, are you serious? No way. A chunk of meat spinning in open air, basting in its own juice, flies buzzing all around, sweaty cooks dripping everywhere, on bread that's been sitting out all day. That would never happen in the USA. It'd NEVER pass health inspections."
Elder 2 : "Nah, never. It'd get shut down so fast."
Me: "Never."
Never. Never in a million years. The Doner Kebab will never exist in America.
The Doner Kebab, not a to be confused with a "shishkebab", though the two are similar. A kebab is the equivalent of a Middle-Eastern hamburger. It's a hunk of mysterious meat (lamb, beef, chicken?), rotating on a rotisserie grill . The name "Doner" always rubbed me the wrong way though. Made me feel like I was eating the same "mystery meat" of served by the members of the Donner Party.
Anyway, this mystery meat is shaved off in small pieces and served on a pita with the usual toppings- onion, lettuce, tomato, ketchup ,etc. and served with fries. Our Arabian cousin to the hamburger is the main staple of the Toulousian, France LDS Elder. Upon my entry to the US, after months of toil, pain, and significantly slimmer, I at last accepted my destined fate and consigned myself to a diet void of the Kebab. I would never again experience of the illustrious pleasure of Doner Kebab. Never.
Or would I?
Driving to work, I noticed a restaurant that sparked my attention. "Selim's Pita, Donner Kebab, Wrap and Salad and more Cafe." Nah, it couldn't be. No way. Never, right? Never...?
Me: "These are so good!"
Elder 1 :" Behold, Elder, the magic of the Kebab."
Me: "These are so gross!"
Elder 1: " Behold, Elder, the magic of the Kebab."
Elder 2: " Do you think they have Kebab's in the US, I've never seen them there before."
Elder 1: "No, are you serious? No way. A chunk of meat spinning in open air, basting in its own juice, flies buzzing all around, sweaty cooks dripping everywhere, on bread that's been sitting out all day. That would never happen in the USA. It'd NEVER pass health inspections."
Elder 2 : "Nah, never. It'd get shut down so fast."
Me: "Never."
Never. Never in a million years. The Doner Kebab will never exist in America.
The Doner Kebab, not a to be confused with a "shishkebab", though the two are similar. A kebab is the equivalent of a Middle-Eastern hamburger. It's a hunk of mysterious meat (lamb, beef, chicken?), rotating on a rotisserie grill . The name "Doner" always rubbed me the wrong way though. Made me feel like I was eating the same "mystery meat" of served by the members of the Donner Party.Anyway, this mystery meat is shaved off in small pieces and served on a pita with the usual toppings- onion, lettuce, tomato, ketchup ,etc. and served with fries. Our Arabian cousin to the hamburger is the main staple of the Toulousian, France LDS Elder. Upon my entry to the US, after months of toil, pain, and significantly slimmer, I at last accepted my destined fate and consigned myself to a diet void of the Kebab. I would never again experience of the illustrious pleasure of Doner Kebab. Never.
Or would I?
Driving to work, I noticed a restaurant that sparked my attention. "Selim's Pita, Donner Kebab, Wrap and Salad and more Cafe." Nah, it couldn't be. No way. Never, right? Never...?
Needless to say, I could not resist the temptation. It troubled my mind and worked my soul. Could it be? Donner Kebab? Really?
I cautiously and a little hopefully entered the lair of the Kebab tucked away amongst a strip mall of restaurants near Beltline and Addison Point Road.
There it was! The skewer! And the toppings! Oh, the smell! The dripping! And the meat, the pita, the sweaty cook! Spinning, spinning, eternally spinning just as I had left it! I had found it! I FOUND IT! At long last! Oh, what joy! What love! This restaurant was the magic portal to the world I had left nearly 2 years ago! I held the familiar object like a new born infant as I cuddled it and clenched it to my bosom as I reacquainted myself with my long lost friend.
What a treat! I can assure you Mr. Selim and I will become fast friends. If not for the terrifying lack of nutritional value of the Kebab, i'd happily accept a daily regiment completely of Kebab, 3 meals a day like a prescription. Containing nearly a glass full of cooking oil and weighing in at a hefty 111 g of fat, this little artery clogging, cholesterol rising, heart attack on a bun will be just the cure to get me through "one of those days".
So, for all those wondering, the Doner Kebab does exist in AMERICA!
What a treat! I can assure you Mr. Selim and I will become fast friends. If not for the terrifying lack of nutritional value of the Kebab, i'd happily accept a daily regiment completely of Kebab, 3 meals a day like a prescription. Containing nearly a glass full of cooking oil and weighing in at a hefty 111 g of fat, this little artery clogging, cholesterol rising, heart attack on a bun will be just the cure to get me through "one of those days".
So, for all those wondering, the Doner Kebab does exist in AMERICA!
posted by Austin @ 8:10 PM
1 Comments:
You are so funny Austin! Love the post! I'm glad you found your restaurant back in the good ol' US of A! :)
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